Thread: my dad lives on this site

Hello, I am phillip schofields illegitimate son, diddy. I have tracked my dad down and mum says maintenance has never been paid. I am here to work out what, if any assets he has, and generally piss him off.

Hope to get to know you all

Originally Posted by diddy dodders

Hello, I am phillip schofields illegitimate son, diddy. I have tracked my dad down and mum says maintenance has never been paid. I am here to work out what, if any assets he has, and generally piss him off.

Hope to get to know you all

u ain't gettin a fekkin penny

CSA catching up with ya?

i'm not denying your claims at this point but i would like to know a bit about your mother

Welcome Digdy Dodders to the dodgy digs that is Oldskool

Hardcore diggy diggy hardcore mini Kenny Ken the Codger in da' place....

Originally Posted by dodders

i'm not denying your claims at this point but i would like to know a bit about your mother

She says you both met in the BBC broomcupboard. She was a polish cleaner called agnetha. She was seduced by Gordon the gopher initially but your persistant nagging for sex and money was too much. Mum was very poor back then but was not into shagging you so she paid you ten pounds a week. Them came the staff party and alcohol was flowing freely. Sadly for mum so was the rohypnol and my mum had to use it to help spurn your unsolicited advances. In the end you resorted to raping her, an ordeal only made easier by you having a laughably small penis. As she was an illegal immigrant she was unwilling to contact the authorities. Now I am an adult I have come to find you. I love you daddy.

Welcome >

Fucking hug smiley doesn't work

Originally Posted by diddy dodders

She says you both met in the BBC broomcupboard. She was a polish cleaner called agnetha. She was seduced by Gordon the gopher initially but your persistant nagging for sex and money was too much. Mum was very poor back then but was not into shagging you so she paid you ten pounds a week. Them came the staff party and alcohol was flowing freely. Sadly for mum so was the rohypnol and my mum had to use it to help spurn your unsolicited advances. In the end you resorted to raping her, an ordeal only made easier by you having a laughably small penis. As she was an illegal immigrant she was unwilling to contact the authorities. Now I am an adult I have come to find you. I love you daddy.

An excellent story Diddy and almost believable but for two minor details:

It is more than common knowledge that Gordon is gay. Anyone within the BBC ranks could tell you that - in fact most of the Western world knows this to be true. So why do you not i must ask myself? I know why, but that will keep........

You say your mother was a cleaner. What does she do now? I would never sleep with any woman that was prepared to better herself - and if you really were my son you would know there's no need to rape - the grey hair (which IS hereditary btw) is all i/we'll ever need. If i did ever rape then it was because they were dead and couldn't actually consent.

You sir are a flim-flam artist and i will call you out..........in good time

If Diddy is grey it is confirmed.

Originally Posted by Leonized

If Diddy is grey it is confirmed.

I'm sorry the Schofield grey is not just any bog standard run of the mill grey - if that were true then you would all have something to look forward to. Alas, you don't

Originally Posted by dodders

I'm sorry the Schofield grey is not just any bog standard run of the mill grey - if that were true then you would all have something to look forward to. Alas, you don't

I will agree with Doddz but congrats

I wish i could find out i had a child like this

Originally Posted by dodders

An excellent story Diddy and almost believable but for two minor details:

It is more than common knowledge that Gordon is gay. Anyone within the BBC ranks could tell you that - in fact most of the Western world knows this to be true. So why do you not i must ask myself? I know why, but that will keep........

You say your mother was a cleaner. What does she do now? I would never sleep with any woman that was prepared to better herself - and if you really were my son you would know there's no need to rape - the grey hair (which IS hereditary btw) is all i/we'll ever need. If i did ever rape then it was because they were dead and couldn't actually consent.

You sir are a flim-flam artist and i will call you out..........in good time

i had an idea you would try this so i took the liberty of removing a sperm sample from somebodys bumhole called a champion pufter or something like that, and it has now been proved; you sir are my paternal parent. deny all you like but the proof is irrefutable.

also, gordon T gopher was actually bisexual, get your facts right.

my mother is still a cleaner but now in a care home. i do not mean she cleans care homes, she lives in a cupboard in a care home and cleans at her leisure. she has not bettered herself in anyway and as you made us all aware this fits perfectly into your sexual remit. here is a picture of you and my mum taken 20 years ago, backstage in the broom cupboard (it was deceptively large, not unlike Dr Whos tardis.)

chelsea-charms-556426421.jpg

i hope this proof brings this whole sordid matter to a speedy resolution.

daddy.

Look at the size of them hooters

Originally Posted by diddy dodders

here is a picture of you and my mum taken 20 years ago

chelsea-charms-556426421.jpg

i hope this proof brings this whole sordid matter to a speedy resolution.

daddy.

I used to have that lampshade....

Looks like Susan Boyles left & right thighs in a hammock...

Originally Posted by msprim

Look at the size of them hooters

Blimey MsPrims I bet she has a stoop and backache all the time

Originally Posted by Livvy

Blimey MsPrims I bet she has a stoop and backache all the time

I bet someone's standing behind her holding her back so she don't fall on her face....i mean hooters

If she was a runner she'd knock herself out

Fatima titbread...

i would like to remind you lot that is my mum you're laughing at.

i get the feeling im not going to like it here

Originally Posted by diddy dodders

i had an idea you would try this so i took the liberty of removing a sperm sample from somebodys bumhole called a champion pufter or something like that, and it has now been proved; you sir are my paternal parent. deny all you like but the proof is irrefutable.

also, gordon T gopher was actually bisexual, get your facts right.

my mother is still a cleaner but now in a care home. i do not mean she cleans care homes, she lives in a cupboard in a care home and cleans at her leisure. she has not bettered herself in anyway and as you made us all aware this fits perfectly into your sexual remit. here is a picture of you and my mum taken 20 years ago, backstage in the broom cupboard (it was deceptively large, not unlike Dr Whos tardis.)

chelsea-charms-556426421.jpg

i hope this proof brings this whole sordid matter to a speedy resolution.

daddy.

I will deal with these one by one:

The Mr Pufta you speak of has been part of my life yes. I had a restraining order taken out against him after he was found in my flat furiously scrubbing at some of my more personal stains on the floor with a sharpened banana. This explains your paltry DNA sample.

Gordon only said he was Bisexual to keep John Craven away

Finally, (this one may sting) your mothers name is Alan and is a former Kwik-Fit mechanic. He was part of an attempt to make personal airbags an added extra but felt like he was being manipuated, so escaped. I rescued him from some Gypsy types who were forcing him to be a bouncy castle. He took one to many dags to the head, hence the make up.


I understand you now. I know who you are - you're almost ready for the truth.........but is the truth ready for you?




dad xx

Originally Posted by diddy dodders

i would like to remind you lot that is my mum you're laughing at.

i get the feeling im not going to like it here

Were you a breast fed baby then?

Originally Posted by dodders

I will deal with these one by one:

The Mr Pufta you speak of has been part of my life yes. I had a restraining order taken out against him after he was found in my flat furiously scrubbing at some of my more personal stains on the floor with a sharpened banana. This explains your paltry DNA sample.

Gordon only said he was Bisexual to keep John Craven away

Finally, (this one may sting) your mothers name is Alan and is a former Kwik-Fit mechanic. He was part of an attempt to make personal airbags an added extra but felt like he was being manipuated, so escaped. I rescued him from some Gypsy types who were forcing him to be a bouncy castle. He took one to many dags to the head, hence the make up.


I understand you now. I know who you are - you're almost ready for the truth.........but is the truth ready for you?




dad xx

you just confirmed the truth by referring to yourself as dad.

case closed, chalk it up.

Originally Posted by diddy dodders

you just confirmed the truth by referring to yourself as dad.

case closed, chalk it up.

Surely u see that was a test - u are no schofield. I will prove it if u wish - but ONLY if u wish