Thread: Inapropriate Jokes..

A few years ago I got kicked out of primary school. The headmaster had caught me behind the bike sheds, fingering one of the girls in my class. The headmaster said that it was such a pity as he reckonedthat I was the best maths teacher the school had ever had!!!

Originally Posted by Branners

I hate having to crush my grans pills up and put them in her dinner. I feel really sneeky but I would never forgive myself if I got her pregnant!!!! :ymsick:

Married sex is just like the Lotto...

Same old balls
No chance of a 69
After 20 seconds it always ends up in a fecking rollover!

Originally Posted by Branners

A few years ago I got kicked out of primary school. The headmaster had caught me behind the bike sheds, fingering one of the girls in my class. The headmaster said that it was such a pity as he reckonedthat I was the best maths teacher the school had ever had!!!

I completely wasted a tenner on pay-per-view last night.
It turns out that "Jordan - My Dribbling ****" was only Harvey's birthday party!!!

Originally Posted by Branners

I completely wasted a tenner on pay-per-view last night.
It turns out that "Jordan - My Dribbling burk" was only Harvey's birthday party!!!

[-x

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. B-(

JLS have been reported to be 'devestated' after 60 people were injured at their concert in Birmingham on Saturday.

I'd be devestated too. A crowd of 20,000 brummies and only 60 get hurt?
Not even a fatality to make it worth it.

Originally Posted by swipezster

Originally Posted by Branners

I completely wasted a tenner on pay-per-view last night.
It turns out that "Jordan - My Dribbling burk" was only Harvey's birthday party!!!

[-x

OOPS, just noticed that c**t gets filtered out!!!! Sorry admin!! :ymblushing:

Been chatting up a 12 year old girl on the internet lately, nice blue eyes, big boobs and up for anything

last night she tells me, shes an undercover police woman working for the protection of children over the internet

How fuckin cool is that for a 12 year old

Originally Posted by selwyn

JLS have been reported to be 'devestated' after 60 people were injured at their concert in Birmingham on Saturday.

I'd be devestated too. A crowd of 20,000 brummies and only 60 get hurt?
Not even a fatality to make it worth it.

[-x B-(

I Liverpool

How do you kill a hundred flies with one swipe?
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a spade

What's the definition of a barcode?
An Ethiopian family portrait

What's the fastest thing on two legs?
An Ethiopian with a free dinner ticket

How does an Ethiopian woman know when she's pregnant?
when she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten

What's the dialing code for Ethiopia?
808080 (eight nothing eight nothing eight nothing)

How do you get a hundred Ethiopians in a phone box?
Throw in a tin of beans
How do you get them back out?
Show them the can opener
How do you kill them all
Throw the can opener in front of a bus

^^^ Oof!

So picture the scene, if you will. Katie Price has just arrived home from the jungle, having been voted to do every bushtucker trial only to be kicked out first chance we got.

She arrives home to find her house in darkness. After turning the light on, she spies a note on the table:
"Dear Katie. I've taken the kids. Love, Peter."

She notices a tapping sound from across the house, and as she heads toward it she spies something written on the back:
"Except the mong." it says, as she finds Harvey bumping into a wall repeatedly.

Do it, Peter. Fucking do it.

Originally Posted by selwyn

So picture the scene, if you will. Katie Price has just arrived home from the jungle, having been voted to do every bushtucker trial only to be kicked out first chance we got.

She arrives home to find her house in darkness. After turning the light on, she spies a note on the table:
"Dear Katie. I've taken the kids. Love, Peter."

She notices a tapping sound from across the house, and as she heads toward it she spies something written on the back:
"Except the mong." it says, as she finds Harvey bumping into a wall repeatedly.

Do it, Peter. Fucking do it.

What do you get a deaf, dumb and blind child for Christmas?

His mum back from I'm a celebrity!

Originally Posted by selwyn

What do you get a deaf, dumb and blind child for Christmas?

His mum back from I'm a celebrity!

Originally Posted by selwyn

So picture the scene, if you will. Katie Price has just arrived home from the jungle, having been voted to do every bushtucker trial only to be kicked out first chance we got.

She arrives home to find her house in darkness. After turning the light on, she spies a note on the table:
"Dear Katie. I've taken the kids. Love, Peter."

She notices a tapping sound from across the house, and as she heads toward it she spies something written on the back:
"Except the mong." it says, as she finds Harvey bumping into a wall repeatedly.

Do it, Peter. Fucking do it.

Originally Posted by selwyn

What do you get a deaf, dumb and blind child for Christmas?

His mum back from I'm a celebrity!

Oof!

Why can't Maddie McCann play Xbox?

Because I've got a PS3.

http://misc.classpc.nl/morningglory/

now you need a strong sense of humour to laugh at these. not all are funny, but there are a few gems in there

Originally Posted by dj Euphoria

http://misc.classpc.nl/morningglory/

now you need a strong sense of humour to laugh at these. not all are funny, but there are a few gems in there

Excellent site, guffawed like a good un. Right up smilodon's street, them.

Jordan goes on Pimp My Ride and Westwood asks her what she would like doing to the car...

"Something to make Baby Harvey, my disabled son, more comfortable..."

"No problem, what flavour windows would Harvey like?"


and another about harv.

Completely wasted a tenner on pay per view. Turns out 'Jordan - look at my dribbling snatch' was just a video of Harvey's birthday party.

and another

More bad news for Jordan...

Someone rang the house last night and Harvey answered the iron...

So I've got a new girlfriend.

She invited me round to her place for dinner the other night.

We were in the kitchen, just about to start making dinner when she asked me to turn on the veg.

Apparently, fingering her paraplegic daughter was not the right move!

Originally Posted by selwyn

So I've got a new girlfriend.

She invited me round to her place for dinner the other night.

We were in the kitchen, just about to start making dinner when she asked me to turn on the veg.

Apparently, fingering her paraplegic daughter was not the right move!

One word for the last two posts.... OOF!!!

Just saw Gary Glitter on Family Fortunes. To be fair he was doing pretty well until Vernon asked "Name somewhere you'd take the kids for a treat?" Unfortunately up the shitter was not an available answer!