Thread: Inapropriate Jokes..

Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?

A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cun7 scrapes. x_x

i know exactly how those poor unfortunate people in haiti feel. after 30 aftershocks i can't find my house either...

Originally Posted by selwyn

I'm amazing at sex.

I was fucking a girl in Haiti, and she said 'it was like the ground moved'.

I'm only joking. She didn't say anything. She was dead.

made me laugh!

Originally Posted by mushroomz

That is a classic! lmao!

A woman walks in to a greengrocers and asks for a cucumber.

The assistant asks "would you like it sliced?"

The woman replies "it's a fanny I've got, not a jukebox"

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?

A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

A large earthquake hits Pakistan,2 million Pakistanis have died & over a million are injured.
The country is totally ruined & the Pakistani government doesnt know where to start with providing help..
The USA are sending troops to help,New Zealand are sending sheep, cattle & crops,Saudi Arabia are sending oil.
The Brits,not to be outdone,are sending 2 million replacement Pakistanis.
God Bless Britain.

American, Frenchman,Englishman & Pakistani all on top of Eiffel Tower.
American throws a load of money over the edge."What did you do that for?" the others ask."We have so much money in the states that i can afford to".
The Frenchman throws loads of bottles of champagne over the top & says "We have so much champagne here that i can throw as much as i like over".
The Pakistani looks at the Englishman & says "DONT YOU FUCKING DARE!"

Originally Posted by repnosis

Originally Posted by mushroomz

That is a classic! lmao!

LMFAO

What do you call two Irish queers?

Patrick Fitzgerald & Gerald Fitzpatrick

Originally Posted by malky1888

How do you kill a hundred flies with one swipe?
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a spade

What's the definition of a barcode?
An Ethiopian family portrait

What's the fastest thing on two legs?
An Ethiopian with a free dinner ticket

How does an Ethiopian woman know when she's pregnant?
when she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten

What's the dialing code for Ethiopia?
808080 (eight nothing eight nothing eight nothing)

How do you get a hundred Ethiopians in a phone box?
Throw in a tin of beans
How do you get them back out?
Show them the can opener
How do you kill them all
Throw the can opener in front of a bus

What do you call an Ethiopian with Diarrhoea????????????????????????????

A poser

Every Friday Frank, does the same thing, get's his pay, goes to the pub, get's twatted, falls home skint and try's to shag the wife and rolls over snoring...... Well he wakes up one Sat morning and he see's a man with a white beard and a white tunic on at the end of his bed.. Frank quickly sit's up and says "Who the fuck are you, get out my house" With that St Peter introduces himself and advises he's no longer in his house and he's passed over to the other side... Frank can't believe it, he begs St Peter to bring him back as he hasn't prepared his kids or bills anything....

St Peter thinks and offers Frank reincarnation but only as a chicken or a dog....

So Frank has no hesitation in saying "chicken" as there is a local chicken farm near the house, and thinks at least I can go back and explain to the wife, and apologise for the way I've been over the years, taking her and the kids for granted, spending all their money on booze etc.....

So whooooooosh, White light and a puff of smoke, Frank finds himself a chicken and on the dirt track leading to the chicken farm. The main cockrel come's over to meet him and say's "you must be the new chicken, welcome to the farm, how you feeling"??
So Frank is honest and replies his stomach's feeling a little cramped and uncomfy..
The cockrel just laughs, and tells Frank he's about to lay an egg, and ask's if he's ever laid one before.. So Frank tells him he hasn't and by this time he's doubling over with pain...
The cockrel replies " Just breathe and relax it'll happen naturally... So Frank breathes and relaxes and true enough his 1st egg... Overcome with emotion at his 1st egg. He can't get over the joy of giving birth and understands now why his wife nagged him about being in the pub, when he could have been with the kids.... So again bit of pain, he relaxes and another egg comes out,

Well Frank is just overwhelmed with guilt and emotion of giving birth again...

He's just about to lay his 3rd egg and his wife screams out loud "Frank you dirty twat, you've shit the bed".............

A dyslexic , terrorist, Muslim woman woz found dead on her bathroom floor...She mixed up her anthrax wiv her tampax and blew up the wrong c&%t!!!!

The annual strawberry pickin contest woz won by a woman wiv no legs!!...Jammy c%&t!!!!

Originally Posted by dramaqueen126

A dyslexic , terrorist, Muslim woman woz found dead on her bathroom floor...She mixed up her anthrax wiv her tampax and blew up the wrong c&%t!!!!

Originally Posted by dramaqueen126

The annual strawberry pickin contest woz won by a woman wiv no legs!!...Jammy c%&t!!!!

mmm tasty :p

Looks like Micheal Barrymore has been cleared after Al Queda claimed to have killed Stewart Lubbock...

Apparently he was the victim of a suicide bummer....

Now this is the story all about how
My sled got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I took a bad turn and caught mad air

In Soviet Georgia born and raised
On the ice luge where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, luging, relaxing all cool
Taking Russian hostages inside a school
When a couple of Reds, they were up to no good
Drove Russian tanks into my neighborhood
One separatist movement and my mom got scared
And said "You're going to Vancouver to catch mad air"

I waited for my start and when it came near
the course said "fast" and had a concrete barrier
If anything I could say that this track was rare
But I though nah, forget it, Nodar, catch air!

I slid up to turn number seven or eight
And I yelled to my trainer "Comrade, it's hard to steer"
Flew into a wall and I was finally there
Killed my self while trying to catch mad air.

Did you hear about those two muslims who got shot outside Tesco the other day?

Every little helps!

bu dum tish!

BBC News : Poor children 'lag a year behind'

Must make first person shooters really hard to play.

An irish electrician went to HM Prison to fix the electric chair,wen asked wots wrong wiv it he replied'this tings a fuckin deathtrap!!'

Slash,Line,Slash,Line,Slash,Line-Morse code???- nah, its Kerry Katonas trips to the toilet!!!

98% of women kiss with their eyes closed...

No wonder it's so hard to identify a rapist x_x

What's brown and kills babies?


John Terry's wallet.

Q: Whats better than winning 5 Gold Medals in the Paralympics?

A: Not being Disabled

What are the two most important holes in a woman's body?...........
Her nostrils!...... They allow her to breathe while she's sucking your cock!