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About LinkBacksthere are some class jokes on these pages
there are some class jokes on these pages
My mate John's only got one arm. I met him the other day and asked him where he was going.
"I'm going to change a lightbulb" he said
"Ooh, that'll be difficult" I replied
"Ach it's alright" he said,"I've kept the receipt"
What's worse than a dog eating your shoe?
A whale eating your trainer.
Originally Posted by The Milkman
What's worse than a dog eating your shoe?
A whale eating your trainer.
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
This maths sequence can predict your all time favourite film.... Mine was Jaws.I'm not sure how it works but it does!
Try it without looking at the answers.It works! Remember DON'T PEEK!!!
Pick a number from 1 - 9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3 to that number.
Multiply by 3 again.
Add the two digits together to find the number of your all time favourite movie.
Scroll down to see the movie name.
Good luck!
The Movies:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. Alien
3. Oliver
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. Saving Private Ryan
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy Of Anal Sex With Male Goats & Leather-Clad Gay Boys
10. Mary Poppins
Paddys wedding night & his new bride is lying naked,legs spread on the bed.
She says "You know what i want" Paddy says "All the fuckin bed by the look of it"!
Daffy Duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks for condoms...
Receptionist says "Shall I put them on your bill?"...
"Don't be thuckin thupid Id thuffocate!"
How do you know an air stewardess doesn't like you?
She gives you a tomatoe juice with a bit of string hanging out.
3 corpses are wheeled into a hospital morgue. the coronor pulls the sheets back to find 3 men with smiles on thier faces. he asks the porter how the first one died..... "jock? he won £1000 on the lottery and spent it all on whiskey. died of alcohol poisoning but happy!"
he asks about the second man ...."oh bob? he's 55 and pulled a 19 year old porn star. died fucking her apparently"
finally he moves onto the last fella...."paddy? poor bugger got struck by lightning" the coronor is puzzled by this and asks why he has a smile on his face...."oh, he thought he was having his photo taken"
It's not easy being dyslexic,got my sleeping tablets & viagra mixed up this afternoon.Ended up having 40 wanks!!
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
After years of research scientists have found out what makes women happy. Fuck All.
An old man & an old woman sit in the park every day.Their too old to have sex so she just holds his cock for an hour or so...This happens every day until one day he's not there.She goes to look for him & there he is on another bench with another old woman holding his cock.She gets very jealous & asks "what the fuck's she got that i haven't?" He replies "Parkinsons!"
I've just started a new job,i am now a comedian in an old peoples home.
They don't understand most of my jokes but they still piss themselves!
I ordered a Chinese takeaway last night & it came to a £10.As he handed me the bag i asked him."What's the name of Jordan's son"? He said "Harvey Price".I said
"Ta here's a fiver,now fuck off"!
Two junkies are sitting in a crack den, one of them shoots up, and 10 seconds later lies back and starts saying.... "Ahh this gear's amazing........ ahh this gear's amazing.............. ahh this gear's amazing.................. ahh this gear's amazing,"
The other junkie slaps him across the face and says " Wullie, Wullie, I think your needle's stuck."
4 blokes in a prison cell.An animal fucker,a sadist,a necrophiliac & a gay.The animal fucker says "if there was a cat here i'd fuck it till it passed out".
The sadist nods & says "once your done with it i'd torture it to death".The necrophiliac sighs "oh yeah & once it was dead i'd fuck it till i passed out".
The gay bloke sitting in the corner very softly says "meow".
Just been to HMV looking for the game Grand Theft Auto.The sales assistant wanted me to describe it to her.I told her it's about a black man driving around with an iron bar,crashing cars,fucking whores & evading police.The stupid bitch gave me Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2110!
Not every flower can save love.
But a rose can.
Not every plant survives thirst.
But a cactus can.
Not every vegetable can read.
But look at you having a go.
Apparently someone broke into West Ham's trophy room last night.
Police are looking for a man carrying a claret & blue carpet.
And Jesus said unto his 12 apostles as he was being nailed to the cross.
"Don't touch my bleedin' easter eggs,i'll be back on Monday!".
What has 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.
A woman goes to the doctors and says she's got a problem,the doctor tells her to lay down and she opens her legs,her vagina starts singing
"You'll never walk alone".The doctor says "Don't worry a lot of C*nts sing that song".
:ymsmug:
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