Thread: Not Inapropriate Jokes..

Dear Mr Moat,
It has come to my attention that John Terry has been shagging your missus whilst you were in prison.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Best wishes,
Wayne Bridge

Ps. I heard he called you a northern poof too

Originally Posted by mushroomz

What do you call a pointless race that covers 2,200 miles throughout France?

The French.

Love it!!

Originally Posted by mushroomz

What do you call a pointless race that covers 2,200 miles throughout France?

The French.

Top,TOP drawer

"Moaty mate it's Gazza"










BANG

Bloke walks into a bar & asks if they want to hear a Irish Joke.Bloke next to him built like a brick shit house,taps him on the shoulder & says "before you say anything,i am irish,the landlord who has served time for murder is Irish,that bloke at the end of the bar is a bare knuckle boxing champ for the Irish travellers & the doorman is Irish.So do you really want to tell a Irish joke in here?"
The bloke replies "NO! not if i have to explain it 4 fucking times".

Originally Posted by waard

Northumbria police have put a 10k price tag on Raoul Moat.
If he doesn't get caught by Tuesday it goes up to 20k making it a Raoul over....

Thats not even raoul Moatly funny

What the difference between a slag and a bitch?

A slag gets off with everyone at a party,

A bitch gets off with everyone at a party except YOU!!

£12 million is a bit much to spend on security for the pope's visit to the UK, but if the kids are safe for a few days then it will be money well spent.

My best mate brought his new girl down the pub last night she's 5'9" blonde and looks like a glamour model, we all had too much to drink and ended up round my place, few more drinks followed and as i was grabbing another beer from the fridge I heard giggling in the other room I walked back into the lounge to find my mate on the sofa getting a deepthroat bj, he looked up and grinned at me as I stood there open mouthed, the girl looked up with a naughty look in her eyes licking her lips and asked me if Id like a go "shit yeah" I replied.

Didn't realise cocks tasted so salty

What's brown and runny?


Linford Christie.



What's brown and sticky?


Muhammad Ali after opening a can of coke.

Originally Posted by The Milkman

What's brown and sticky?


Muhammad Ali after opening a can of coke.

The man is my all-time sporting hero but fekk me thats quality!!

WOMEN

Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Men couldn't give a shit and you can use the saved energy to hoover the house after you've been banged.

A scouce woman goes to the doctor's to have an abortion.
Two weeks later she receives a 'Thank You' card through the post with a cheque for £5000 in it.
So she calls the doctor to ask who sent the money, to which he replies, "Crimewatch"

My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory.

He's a spastic.

A nymphomaniac gets on a bus and sits on the seat in front of the only passenger – who just happens be to a blind man. Not realising he is blind, she turns around and starts blowing kisses at him. The blind man just sits there. Outraged, the nymph immediately flops her tits out for him to see and starts licking her nipples. The blind man just sits there. Really angry now, the nymph strips all her clothes off and starts waving her gash about in front of his face.
“Gosh,” says the blind man sniffing the air, “Grimsby already!”

Somerset have beaten Pakistan by 5 wickets at Taunton next Thurday

Dear Coleen

If you want to get revenge on Wayne, give me a ring.

Yours Sincerely

John Terry

So Wayne Rooney finally pulled it off with someone.

princess fiona must be so mad

"Capello worried about Rooneys mental state after his Antics"
Sounds like Shrek and Donkey are on another whirlwind adventure.

I kind of feel sorry for Wayne rooney. All other footballers have girls throwing themselves at them and he still has to pay for it..

Gutted.

The hooker at the centre of the allegations has denied sleeping with Wayne rooney. In her statement she said she was blind drunk and she understood she was having a fantasy DP with Shrek and Donkey.

Both rooney and Emile heskey were unable to comment to this.

News Today ..'Wayne Rooney in new escort girl scandal' ....

'The shame and publicity means my partner may never forgive me', said the prostitute.

Clearly nothing wrong with Wayne Rooney's form.

He's been dribbling in the box home and away.

You know you're an ugly **** when you're in a profession known for having girls throw themselves at you, and yet you still have to pay for sex.
Kind of feel sorry for Wayne rooney.

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