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About LinkBacksApparently Gary Glitter is going to be the new Aston Villa manager after he heard the strikers were Young,Bent & might be getting Keane.
Apparently Gary Glitter is going to be the new Aston Villa manager after he heard the strikers were Young,Bent & might be getting Keane.
yes !Originally Posted by waard
Just bought fifa 2012 on xbox it's so realistic.When the missus picks up the controller Andy Gray shouts "Get back in the fucking kitchen".
Female assistant referee Sian Massey is being sponsored by just for men.She's only been used once & the Gray's gone already.
Guy takes his bird home to meet his parents.He tells her "i must warn you they are both deaf & dumb".They get there & walk into the living room,his mum has got a beer bottle up her fanny & the dad is sitting there with his nuts out & a matchstick propping one eye open.His bird says "what the fuck is this?" He replies "oh it's sign language,my mum's saying "get the beers in you C*nt & dad's saying "bollox i'm watching the match!"
Paddy shows an Essex girl the L & R labels in his wellies,explaining they mean left & right."Oh" she says "now i understand the C&A label in my thong!"
What do you call a German gynaecologist?
Hans Upper****.
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16year olds.She notices a boy in the field standing alone at one end of the field while all the other kids are running around at the other end having fun.She takes pity on him & decides to speak to him."You ok sweetheart?" she says "yes miss" he replies "you can go & play with the other kids if you want" she says "it's best i stay here miss" he says "why?" asks the blonde.The boy replies "because i'm the fucking goalkeeper".
BBC, EGYPT LATEST:
bricks shares up 20%
I can't believe it. Me and my wife were sitting watching TV when the founder of Apple just walked into the house and took all our Mr Sheen!
Fucking Jobs, coming over here and stealing our polish.
The other day a bloke offered me a go on his ice rink for 10p.
I thought, "What a fucking cheap skate".
When they told me Weston was on fire, I thought 'Fuck me, that bloke don't have much luck'
What's the hardest thing in the world?
Putting it in soft!
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I suck at poems, show us ya tits!
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
Paddy & his wife are searching the room of their teenage daughter.They find a packet of fags & paddy cries "oh lord our daughter is a smoker."A few moments later they find a bottle of vodka,paddy cries "saints preserve us our little girl is an alcoholic!" Next they find a packet of condoms "God help us" cries paddy "She's got a cock!"
A spokesman in Christchurch New Zealand has said that he "deeply regrets ordering the large shake with his McDonald's at lunchtime".
I might have to cancel my trip to Christchurch next week...
My accommodation's fallen through; unless I stay with a couple of flat mates...
A school building collapsed in New Zealand today...
I wonder what lesson is aftermath?
Looks like the New Zealand government are going to hold a concert for the quake victims, they have signed up an unknown local boy band to headline the gig.
New blocks on the kid.
Why aren't the New Zealanders upset at their Earthquake?
Cause all the sheep are vibrating.
My local pub 'The Greyhound' has just announced that it will now become a gay bar, and will be changing it's name to 'The Whippet Inn'
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
Woman in Jewellers admiring a big golden ring.As she leans down for a closer look a little fart slips out.Hoping no one noticed she asks " How much is that one?" Jeweller says "Madam, if you farted looking at it, you'll shit yourself when i tell you the price!"
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and
we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was
'fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate',
so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are
so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried
What brand of lager do orphans drink?
Fosters
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
What's blue and can't sing?
Blue.
Kids know far to much these days, I was in the doctors waiting room the other day and I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie and Ken dolls, she had them in a doggystyle position. I leant down to her and said "You know that they will make little dolls if you play with them like that" to which she replied "I don't think so, he's doing her up the arse"
As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients," but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
I've just been beaten up by three people called Darren, Doris and Robin.
I didn't know what day it was.
Man comes home and finds his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death. His misses says....'If you carry on like that, you wont have any mates left'!!
ok one more ......Two pubes on a toilet rim:
"What are you doing today"?
"Well, I thought I would hang around 'till I got pissed off"
Last edited by Nixxie; 15th June 2011 at 12:00.
I hate idiots who suddenly start playing tennis just as it's Wimbledon week.
Like Andy Murray.
U DNT KNOW THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE
I ran into a Weight Watchers meeting the other day, and threw a handful of Maltesers into the middle of the room.
It was the most exciting game of Hungry Hippos i've ever seen.
As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients," but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
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